Uninvited

I have dreamed about this moment so many times…

When it hits my night becomes darker, brighter, heavier, and lighter, all at the same time..

When it comes as a day dream my day transforms in a split second into an imaginary world that feels like those in real life, for just a moment, and nothing more.

In this dream, this image in my head, there are two constants; you, and I. The setting changes mostly all of the times; if it is a smell or a sound that brings me there, then that place gets tainted with an nonexistent piece of history that lives inside my head and fears.

If it is within my dreams, it really doesn’t matter, it takes me wherever it wants, but always with a sense of unexpected surprise, just like when an uninvited guest shows up at the least expected moment before supper.

And then, there you are, materialized in between shadows of fuzzy mental pictures and images that sometimes lack of any sense.

The way you are inside those stories, is never the same; but then it is me, the second piece of this equation; I usually lay in absolute fear, unequivocal expectation and an irrational willing to run as fast as I can to feel my heart pounding with something else other than a broken dream. I know that feeling well, I have learned to become its friend; It is anxiety mixed with adrenaline with an absolute sense of sadness.

But beyond the initial setup, I always start the chat, and you always listen. You listen up to the point where I get to see a reaction, a response, any hint, and then you disappear and either my dream changes completely or the mental image evaporates right in front of my eyes.

It dows leave me dry, senseless, naked and without any thoughts as to how to keep on going, just like a ship strained in the middle of the ocean after the storm.

With these words, product of the thoughts that belong to you I say farewell for now; since a good bye won’t do, I must just patiently wait for when you decide to pay an unexpected visit to my dinner party again.

What can I say, without you, I wouldn’t be the person who I am now...

Sleep well.