Rediscoveries.

I sometimes fear of writing when I am far away from the chance of filing my thoughts.
But sometimes, I can’t help it, and the desire burns just as an itch in a hot summer afternoon
When that “sometimes” happens, I usually find a way to diverge the urge and mask the feeling;
As it is easier to ignore the “sometimes” than to honor its need for words and creation.

Recently I played the tourist guide role to my parents on their recent visit to Nova Scotia
While doing this, and unexpectedly, I re-discovered my town, my life, and my scars in a different way.
While I was not looking to do a trip down memory lane, my parent’s interest in my life caused just that;
While trying to bring back the moments of stories, people who are gone came back and took my hand.

These flashlights took me over to “Sam The Record Man” store on Barrington; now a destroyed building.
They took me to “C’est si bon” and its flamenco nights; now converted into a Yoga studio.
They got me back to cheap steak night at “Your father’s mustache” and the image of German enthusiasts.
They transported me back to “Pizza Corner” on cold winter slippery nights, and their smell of fried food.

It was like having a series of Déjà vu’s of the past; filled with emotion, with sense, and nostalgia.
Meeting points like the entrance to the Public Gardens, Park Lane or the Public Library came alive again,
Walking paths in old cemeteries, footprints of time in the old walk boards of the waterfront, all mine.
And mixed with reality of today, I greeted my past with cheerful stories, and some hidden tears.

Then I understood… This is my Halifax, my story, my life, and I think my parents got it too.
As I drove my parents to the airport, there was silence in the car for most of the way;
I could have assumed it was due to the ridiculously early time of their flight to get them back home,
But I think it was more because deep inside, they saw my roots here, and knew I was never coming back.

This is the first time I see myself this way, in my skin after the life I chose; rediscovered.

You get me back

Suddenly I was back, sitting in the little wooden desk
Looking out the window, in between the multicoloured glass
Surrounded by the severe look of old medicine books
In my eyes, the expectation; in the air, that peculiar smell

I start rolling the little handles that lift the sheets of glass
It opens the outside, invites it in with a blow, a whisper of the wind
And I can sense it, the dust on the thick, dark-green leaves of the orange tree flies,
Just like magic sparkle does in dreams, but fades away, disappears

I look up, in between the shady spots of trees, and the sky looks grey
The wind brings far from the distance that smell, the one of hope, it’s wet, it’s sweet
Just as an orchestra prepares its gear, tiny unforgotten sounds fill the air
My eyes widen, my mind opens, it’s the moment, I make it mine.

I drop my little yellow pencil down, as the chopped pieces pierce my notebook’s pages
The numbers, geography and principles of grammar are no longer in my mind.
I need to be part of it; I escape my jail, I stand in that patch of man-made land.
And the wind brings news of change, a long-due promise, the one of life.

The signals are imminent; the wind is now strong and makes ghostly sounds
The clouds race fiercely in the sky, as I look up, eager for more, thirsty…
My mother runs from room to room, closing windows, turning mirrors around
The old routine of anticipated moments starts, like a bizarre dance

As the time click-clocks, in a slow, steady pace, I know it’s here
The moment that I wished to taste, the one that it’s as rare as six months are for a child
Then my mother shouts from a window, demanding me back inside… a drop falls,
It hits my cheek, and it feels cold, and just like that, it sets itself immortal in my mind.

Welcome back

The sweet tones of a mellow song
The unexpected words of an unheard poem
The mild smells drifting from the wood
Inside of all that you hide, and in an instant, you’re back

You trap me, you fill my insides with a warm buzz
My nose feels an itch, and my heart shrinks
And without a warning, you take me away
Back to my memories, my roots, my forgotten dreams

It takes just an instant, but you get me back
Reality shifts, and suddenly, I’m gone
The back seat of a compact car, cruising on a cold morning
The family trips, the thrill of a childhood life.

With no more than just my memories, I carry on
What I felt, I feel no more, and I can barely bring it back
What I sensed is now a cloud…
But those notes, words and smells, set me straight

Nostalgia, you! The sneakiest of the senses
The one that reminds us that as long as we have a mind
We will have our past, tattooed to our souls
And in an instant, and without warning, you take us back.